Do not try to bend the spoon
John Sabin
494 Posts

In a scene from the movie, The Matrix, the character Neo, played by Keanu Reeves, comes across a young boy who is able to bend spoons with the power of his mind. The boy hands a spoon to Neo and says, “Do not try to bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth: there is no spoon. Then you’ll see that it is not the spoon that bends — it is only yourself.” Following this advice, Neo is also able to bend a spoon with his mind. 

Is it possible that the boy’s advice can help us in working with members of Congress?

Over the last few months, I have heard from quite a few CCLers that working with their member of Congress is “so frustrating,” sometimes to the point of chapters choosing not to schedule lobby meetings. We get frustrated because our MOCs are hyperpartisan, because they don’t support climate action, or even when they do support climate action but they don’t support carbon fee and dividend. So much frustration! 

It is tempting to think that we can bend our members of Congress with the powers of our mind, but maybe that’s impossible. Perhaps it would help us to remember, “It is not the spoon that bends — it is only ourselves.” Perhaps we do not have to bend or change our members of Congress. Perhaps we only need to change ourselves. 

We do not have power over members of Congress, but we do have power. We have the power of kindness, the power of understanding, the power of respect, appreciation, and gratitude, and even the power of love. (That’s our superpower!) So maybe we should let go of trying to bend our members of Congress, and focus instead on bending ourselves by tapping into these special powers. 

Frustration comes in that gap between what we want and what is, especially when we cannot seem to change what is. But we can let our frustration serve as a signal that turns us back towards what is actually possible. Trying to change members of Congress is sometimes like trying to bend a spoon with our minds, and this is impossible. “It is not the spoon that bends — it is only ourselves.” 

And if we do change ourselves, will it also change our members of Congress? I don’t know, but it just might soften them. 

Someone in my region recently sent me this story: “Our member of Congress seems rather unlikely to ever cast a vote with us. But over the years our local team has developed a warm and respectful relationship with the young staffer in that office. It wasn’t always this way! At first this staffer seemed quiet as a stone, and we found her quite difficult. Over time, though, as we have consistently treated her with warmth and respect, she has also warmed to us. Now she seems open and forthcoming, and she tells us that she looks forward to our meetings — and we look forward to meeting with her. We now have hope that our MOC might actually vote yes this month on one of the bills we’re supporting!”

I think this is the wisdom of the CCL approach. When we focus on building relationships through kindness and respect as our first priority, then other people tend to respond to us with kindness and respect. This may be the meaning of “there is no spoon — it is only yourself.” That which appears to be other than ourselves is, in reality, a part of ourselves. When we treat the other as we would treat ourselves, there is a kind of magic that happens. This magic — the magic of seeing the other as oneself — changes both of us at once, and can perhaps melt the barriers to effective cooperation on the critical issue of climate change. 

So, in our work, especially when we get frustrated, I think we might do well to remember, “do not try to bend the spoon — only try to bend yourself.” 

25 Replies

@John Sabin I LOVE this John! Thank you for this!
 

John Sabin
494 Posts

Thanks, @Katie Zakrzewski! And thanks for helping me to edit it! 
 

Daniel Wolk
26 Posts

@John Sabin
I loved this essay, John.  It really reflects my experience in 9 years of work with CCL, for example, in successive meetings with staffers.  Frustrated CCL members should also keep in mind that staffers often switch to another MOC office if their boss loses an election, bringing their cumulative  knowledge, attitudes, and CCL relationships with them. 

Alex Amonette
130 Posts

@John Sabin - The main thing is determination. Never give up!
 

John Sabin
494 Posts

Thanks, @Daniel Wolk! It's a good point about staffers moving to new offices. We never know how our influence might someday manifest. 
 

John Sabin
494 Posts

@Alexandra Amonette Determination and kindness are a powerful combination! 
 

Hey @John Sabin fabulous version of Motivational Interviewing as a story, as a Sci Fi film fan I am in awe of your skills, go you. best James

PS. In Europe we've heard the occasional Legislator complain that their staffers are our biggest fans, useful to remember that staffers also own much of the inter-office comms between legislators. We've also seen staffers quietly say “I hope you succeed” at the end of a meeting. 
 

John Sabin
494 Posts

Thank you, @James Collis! That's a useful insight regarding the importance of staffers and our relationship with them! 
 

Bill Barron
146 Posts

@John Sabin well said brother!
 

Amy Bennett
299 Posts

@John Sabin

I read the post on the liaison call and added the link to the call notes.

Thank you!!!
 

@John Sabin
Brilliant. Applies equally well to marriage, kids, in-laws. Thank you!

Laura Haule
250 Posts

@John Sabin This is magnificent.  Thank you so much for the tough love.  I needed to hear the reminder. It is a difficult message for me. I tend to see evil and greed on the other side, when it is possible that someone is torn between two (or more) difficult options.  Building relationships, asking questions, offering respect are things we can do.  It is hard, but still worth doing.
 

Laura Haule
250 Posts

@Daniel Wolk Great point to remember.
 

John Sabin
494 Posts

Thank you, @Laura Haule!
 

@John Sabin

Very well written! As someone who is learning more about lobbying, I appreciate the push to make personal connections with MOC, treating everyone with kindness and respect.

@John Sabin
John, you just demonstrated that there is such a thing as a kind of spiritual logic that somehow crosses the boundaries of rational logic, and yet still applies to the practical, every-day world. You pulled a dialectical rabbit out of your hat--except it really wasn't a trick. You shed light on a path that reconciles what seem on the surface to be contradictory ideas and logic.

John Sabin
494 Posts
Thank you, David Douglass-Gillespie‍!

@John Sabin And they may become legislators themselves in the future.

John Sabin
494 Posts

@Lynn Dransoff Exactly!

@John Sabin - this post was exactly what I needed today. THANK YOU!! ✨

I loved reading and hearing your voice come through in the writing….will be sharing it with our team of Liaisons here in Montana…

Sending love and gratitude to you!

xx
L

John Sabin
494 Posts

Love and gratitude to you, too, @Laurel Eastman!

@John Sabin I am naming you Saint John.

John Sabin
494 Posts

@Lindsey Kohlenburg Aw! That's too kind! And you only say that because you've never heard me interacting with some company's “automated phone service”!

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